Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Of course I have a pirate flag
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
