he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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