Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
