He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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