he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
