i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
