East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No subtext here. People are naked.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
