After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
