Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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