she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
