I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
