somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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