And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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