Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
