he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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