His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
