whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
