All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just want to make out with him forever
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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