she was so not down for the gang bang
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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