Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
