yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
