he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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