I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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