Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
