so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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