I could make wine with my vomit
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
