Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
