If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
