im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
