If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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