I can tuck mytits in my pants
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
