It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
