I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
