Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish i was in the wii world.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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