The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
