I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
