FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You smell like stripper and shame
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
