did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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