Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
