Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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