we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
