It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
