I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
