Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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