SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I could have mohawked her pubes.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
