I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
