I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
