Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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