I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
