I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
