fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
