He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
