Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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